Funny Yet Accurate

So, Raymond and I generally do not exchange gifts. We started out, like all couples, exchanging trinkets of endearment, but soon into the relationship it be came clear that it was not really going to do anything to enhance the relationship, and it may have become its down fall.

I should have known only two months into the relationship that this would be the case. In a state of new-relationship haze, I planned a birthday outing, complete with a picnic and romantic walk through an arboretum. Hair blowing in the wind, summer dress barely covering my ample bosom, I pulled out of my basket an apple and offered it to him, "No thanks." he said? Umm...Raymond...you're a vegetarian....you've got to like apples. Well, he likes apples well enough in the fall, but by mid-May I was offering him an apple that had been sitting in a warehouse for 8 months waiting to be eaten by some sucker who doesn't know about seasonal fruit. At this precise moment, I realized...Raymond is somewhat particular.

Now, this seemed unfair to me, because really, there couldn't be two particular people in the relationship. I had already taken that role as my gender's birthright. What was Raymond, a man, doing with opinions and feelings? That he expresses? Without apology? So, like any reasonably educated and independent woman, I clung to hope for another three years that Raymond would change and we would suddenly become April apple eaters -- and he would like it!

Well, change did happen, but, it came from me. Raymond was happy all along not having to spin the wheel of fortune, having to find just the right gift that I would have known I wanted if I had ever known it existed. Since giving up the hope of this happening, we are much happier and it has been "Happy Birthday, here's your cake!" ever since. It works well for us.

But, it does make me a little skitish about buying things for Raymond when he isn't at the store with me. On Saturday, I braved my cold (I'm doing somewhat better today, thanks for asking) and went to the grocery store and Target. Raymond asked me if I would look to see if they had any Thermoses that he could take to work.

If you don't know Raymond personally, you may be unaware of his love affair with loose tea. The obsession is so strong that we own a hot water heater that boils water and then cools it to three separate temperatures for optimal tea-steeping. This "useful" machine is made in Japan and cost us more than Raymond's entire wardrobe. Therefore, he has not purchased another of these "useful" appliances for work. But, that doesn't mean he shouldn't be able to drink his tea steeped at 175 degrees fahrenheit, as God intended.

So, he wanted a thermos so he could make the tea in the morning and then drink it all day. As much as I wanted to get him a Strawberry Shortcake or A-Team thermos, I suspected, like the apple, those choices would not be very well received. I found the thermoses and then stared at the selection for a good ten minutes, trying to channel Raymond so I would know exactly which thermos he would choose. I picked up the various contenders and opened them up and imitated the behavior of pouring tea. Even without water, it was clear that not all thermoses are created equal (All of the contenders performed identically when undergoing the "leaving the thermos on the roof of the car and driving away" test -- so I had to consider that as a neutral criteria).

After much prayer and soul searching, I settled on "The Rock" which looks vaguely like the drive-thru bank canisters, and according to the manufacturers keeps the tea warm for 24 hours. Driving home, I was nervous about Raymond's reaction.

I shouldn't have been. No one has ever been more pleased with thermos. For the past 2 days he has drunk his tea from the thermos, even though our little tea pot is perfectly capable of doing the job. If I let him sleep with it, he probably would. Every so often he turns to me, grinning ear to ear and says "I love my thermos."

I hope Raymond and The Rock have a wonderful life together. Thankfully, tea is always in season.